Mind your own business.

There was an article on the news about Japan's new interactive toilets. I guess they can talk, tell jokes, give weather reports, play music and do a variety of other things as well.

I don't know. I guess I consider myself more of an old-school type when it comes to toilets.

Although I must agree it might be helpful for your toilet to let you know that you're pregnant, have diabetes, or that you need more fiber in your diet, I prefer not to be so personally involved with my toilet.

It seems there should be limits to what a toilet should be doing---especially with a talking toilet...You'd have to start worrying about what your toilet knows and who they will tell...I can see things quickly getting out of control.

And just think about the future. Who knows what more a toilet will be able to do for you? Maybe, like my husband suggested, it will eventually offer you a photo when you are finished. Just like a roller coaster ride...

So as interesting as those fancy, new-fangled Japanese toilets may be, I'm going to stick with my plain, low-tech, non-interactive toilet. Thank you very much.

These are a few of my favorite things.

One of the things I love most about being a parent is getting to share my favorite childhood things with my children. There are foods: rice krispie bar treats, scones, and making ice cream out of snow. Movies: Back to the Future, The Princess Bride, Karate Kid, ET, and Ferris Bueller's Day Off. TV shows: Gilligan's Island, and the Cosby Show. Books and Music...

I remember positioning myself on the couch so I could watch my kids' faces as they watched the movies I used to love. Wanting them to love them as much as I did.

My kids know all the music from the 80's. I couldn't wait to introduce them to Weird Al and teach them all my favorite girls' camp songs.

Of course there are always those things I remember loving but could never replicate for my own kids. Take for example the circus. I remember getting those free tickets from school and finally my mom letting us go to the circus. It was the most amazing show on earth!!! We took our kids. Once. It was crowded and smelly and chaotic. I couldn't get out of there quick enough. And as I grabbed my kids and ran to the car I couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness---my kids would never love the circus!

Candy corn was another big disappointment. If asked what my favorite candy is the first thing that comes to mind is candy corn. I used to bite off each color layer one by one. I bought a bag for my family to try...Not a big hit. I couldn't even eat them.

Anyway, I have always thought that I'd done a pretty good job teaching my children all the essential need-to-know culture from my past. I thought I was pretty well-rounded and thorough. Until yesterday. It seems I forgot a vital part of my past...

Yesterday my husband sent this text to my kids:

"Feeling a little slow today, so in a "Calgon-take-me-away" vein, I just used 5 pumps of hand soap."

To this my daughter replied:

"Who is Calgon?"

Happy Valentine's Day: Today I want to feel the love.

This past week, I asked my daughter Anna to do something for me. For some reason, she wasn't being very agreeable. In fact, she told me no. So I decided to try a different tactic. Guilt.

"Where is the love?" I asked her. "I'm just not feeling it," I continued.

She proceeded to explain to me that the last time I cleaned up around the house I must have put it away somewhere. Because she couldn't find it.

Now since I do have this habit of finding really good hiding places---I mean very creative places to put things, I couldn't really disagree with her.

Take, for example, the paper shredder. Who would think to look in the bathroom closet? Or to look in the garage for envelopes? I'm clever like that.

Anyway, this Valentine's day I really do need to ask: Where is the love? No really. Where is it?

Career Goals.

I was talking with some friends at church the other day. Three moms with very young children were discussing their plans for all the amazing things they would do when their children were in school: going back to school, their future careers, hobbies they would start, etc.

When someone asked me what I my plans were, I just sort of shrugged my shoulders. It's not that I haven't been thinking about it. I mean in less than 5 years all my kids will be out of the house. "I don't know," I finally replied.

I could see the confusion and disappointment on their faces and I am sure one of them even gasped. "But what do you want to do?" one of them persisted. "What are you PASSIONATE about?"

Honestly? I don't really feel passionate about anything right now. Except maybe trail mix---which is the most amazing food ever created. (Which probably doesn't really count as a valid passion.)

This past week I tried thinking about jobs I might like and came up empty. So I decided that instead I would make a list of things a job should have. Maybe then I will know what kind of job to look for.

Some days I don't like to wake up...

1. No early morning hours.

There are days that I really need to stay in my pajamas.

2. No strict dress code.

I don't like to do hard things.

3. Must not be too hard.

Some days I really really need a nap. Not to sleep necessarily, but just to lie down and rest. With my eyes closed.

4. Optional nap time.

I like to listen to music while I work and it's always better if I enjoy what I'm doing.

5. Allows loud music and must be fun.

I stay more focused when snacking.

6. Trail Mix is encouraged and allowed.

So, if you are looking through the newspaper and see any jobs that meet these requirements, please let me know. That would be really nice of you. Because I don't really like looking through the newspaper either.

In the meantime I will lie on the couch in my pajamas, eating trail mix and try to think about what I'm passionate about...

Practically Perfect.

I was at the store trying to find my shopping list. I reached my hand into my coat pocket and I found a spoon.

As I wandered the aisles I wondered if my spoon would possibly come in handy. What if someone at Walmart had a spoon emergency and I could whip out my spoon and come to the rescue? It could happen.

My spoon was dirty. Upon further consideration I realized this was okay. I didn't want to show off too much. I mean all my fellow shoppers would be amazed at how prepared I was during the spoon emergency. I didn't want to rub into their faces the fact that I had a spoon to offer and they didn't. This way when I waved my spoon in the air and it was covered with lint and bits of pocket gunk that had stuck to the parts of the spoon I hadn't licked completely clean, they could relax. They could applaud my gesture. A dirty spoon is much more likeable than a clean spoon.

I'm home now. Unfortunately no spoons were needed during my errands. I have to wonder whether it is time to relinquish my spoon to the dishwasher. Or perhaps after lunch I could stick a dirty fork in the other pocket...

I really was going to send you a Christmas card. But I didn't. You see I realized that after Sarah and Heather left for BYU I wouldn't have the chance to get a current family picture. And as far as I'm concerned Christmas cards are all about the pictures.

So, there you have it. No Christmas card. I really do feel bad about that.

Instead I hope you'll accept my sincerest apologies. And while you're at it, enjoy the Christmas song Nick wrote for our family to play together. Merry Christmas!

It's the best time of the year.

I like Christmas. I really do. It's fun to decorate the tree and go shopping. I have nothing against Christmas.

It's just that when it's over with...well it leaves me feeling uneasy and unsettled. It feels so chaotic with wrapping paper everywhere, and piles of gifts stacked on the couch.

Last year I cleaned everything up...Immediately after we unwrapped presents. By noon I had the trash out, the ornaments neatly put away and the tree down.

Then I was able to lounge around all afternoon and enjoy Christmas. Without all the stress of the holiday mess.

Apparently I ruined Christmas. Apparently I sucked the joy and happiness from Christmas.

So this year I'm not cleaning up or putting anything away. I'm going to smile as the Christmas spirit spills over onto the floor, puddles under the couch and runs down the hall. Merry Christmas to you all.