Mind your own business.

There was an article on the news about Japan's new interactive toilets. I guess they can talk, tell jokes, give weather reports, play music and do a variety of other things as well.

I don't know. I guess I consider myself more of an old-school type when it comes to toilets.

Although I must agree it might be helpful for your toilet to let you know that you're pregnant, have diabetes, or that you need more fiber in your diet, I prefer not to be so personally involved with my toilet.

It seems there should be limits to what a toilet should be doing---especially with a talking toilet...You'd have to start worrying about what your toilet knows and who they will tell...I can see things quickly getting out of control.

And just think about the future. Who knows what more a toilet will be able to do for you? Maybe, like my husband suggested, it will eventually offer you a photo when you are finished. Just like a roller coaster ride...

So as interesting as those fancy, new-fangled Japanese toilets may be, I'm going to stick with my plain, low-tech, non-interactive toilet. Thank you very much.

These are a few of my favorite things.

One of the things I love most about being a parent is getting to share my favorite childhood things with my children. There are foods: rice krispie bar treats, scones, and making ice cream out of snow. Movies: Back to the Future, The Princess Bride, Karate Kid, ET, and Ferris Bueller's Day Off. TV shows: Gilligan's Island, and the Cosby Show. Books and Music...

I remember positioning myself on the couch so I could watch my kids' faces as they watched the movies I used to love. Wanting them to love them as much as I did.

My kids know all the music from the 80's. I couldn't wait to introduce them to Weird Al and teach them all my favorite girls' camp songs.

Of course there are always those things I remember loving but could never replicate for my own kids. Take for example the circus. I remember getting those free tickets from school and finally my mom letting us go to the circus. It was the most amazing show on earth!!! We took our kids. Once. It was crowded and smelly and chaotic. I couldn't get out of there quick enough. And as I grabbed my kids and ran to the car I couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness---my kids would never love the circus!

Candy corn was another big disappointment. If asked what my favorite candy is the first thing that comes to mind is candy corn. I used to bite off each color layer one by one. I bought a bag for my family to try...Not a big hit. I couldn't even eat them.

Anyway, I have always thought that I'd done a pretty good job teaching my children all the essential need-to-know culture from my past. I thought I was pretty well-rounded and thorough. Until yesterday. It seems I forgot a vital part of my past...

Yesterday my husband sent this text to my kids:

"Feeling a little slow today, so in a "Calgon-take-me-away" vein, I just used 5 pumps of hand soap."

To this my daughter replied:

"Who is Calgon?"

Happy Valentine's Day: Today I want to feel the love.

This past week, I asked my daughter Anna to do something for me. For some reason, she wasn't being very agreeable. In fact, she told me no. So I decided to try a different tactic. Guilt.

"Where is the love?" I asked her. "I'm just not feeling it," I continued.

She proceeded to explain to me that the last time I cleaned up around the house I must have put it away somewhere. Because she couldn't find it.

Now since I do have this habit of finding really good hiding places---I mean very creative places to put things, I couldn't really disagree with her.

Take, for example, the paper shredder. Who would think to look in the bathroom closet? Or to look in the garage for envelopes? I'm clever like that.

Anyway, this Valentine's day I really do need to ask: Where is the love? No really. Where is it?

Career Goals.

I was talking with some friends at church the other day. Three moms with very young children were discussing their plans for all the amazing things they would do when their children were in school: going back to school, their future careers, hobbies they would start, etc.

When someone asked me what I my plans were, I just sort of shrugged my shoulders. It's not that I haven't been thinking about it. I mean in less than 5 years all my kids will be out of the house. "I don't know," I finally replied.

I could see the confusion and disappointment on their faces and I am sure one of them even gasped. "But what do you want to do?" one of them persisted. "What are you PASSIONATE about?"

Honestly? I don't really feel passionate about anything right now. Except maybe trail mix---which is the most amazing food ever created. (Which probably doesn't really count as a valid passion.)

This past week I tried thinking about jobs I might like and came up empty. So I decided that instead I would make a list of things a job should have. Maybe then I will know what kind of job to look for.

Some days I don't like to wake up...

1. No early morning hours.

There are days that I really need to stay in my pajamas.

2. No strict dress code.

I don't like to do hard things.

3. Must not be too hard.

Some days I really really need a nap. Not to sleep necessarily, but just to lie down and rest. With my eyes closed.

4. Optional nap time.

I like to listen to music while I work and it's always better if I enjoy what I'm doing.

5. Allows loud music and must be fun.

I stay more focused when snacking.

6. Trail Mix is encouraged and allowed.

So, if you are looking through the newspaper and see any jobs that meet these requirements, please let me know. That would be really nice of you. Because I don't really like looking through the newspaper either.

In the meantime I will lie on the couch in my pajamas, eating trail mix and try to think about what I'm passionate about...